Friday, May 20, 2011

Heavens to Murgatroyd...

Tomorrow is my daughter's dance recital for ballet.

A few weeks ago I found out that her dad completely forgot the recital was indeed this Saturday and has overextended his obligations with another commitment. I handled it pretty well trying to accommodate the changes but in my head I was thinking, another commitment? Really? We talked in great length about the recital and how he was going to take her afterwards for a special Daddy/Daughter time. How do you forget something like that?

Last night we were discussing the recital. He said he was going to be able to get away for a couple of hours to make it to the recital and was asking my opinion on the best route to get there. So, I tell him how I would get there. He tells me which route he thinks he should take. (My first thought is why the hell did you ask me if you already had a route in mind?) I politely tell him that there is major road construction going on in that area which is why I didn't suggest it in the first place. (Construction that has been going on for at least 6 months now) Then he says he just won't be able to make it because the route I suggested will take twice as long to get there. I tried to convince him that was not the case but he was certain he knew better than me how long it would take to get there.

At this point I am having a flashback to when we were married and how we ended up in conversations like this all of the time. He is right, I am wrong and so very stupid because I have no idea what I am talking about. I have been trying very hard to be polite and helpful, but I am done. I am going to let him have it...until...I look over at my daughter who is ignoring the TV to listen to what I am saying to her father. Deep breath...

I offer to map both routes on Google and see how much of a time difference it is. He tells me to stop being condescending. I am biting my tongue so hard I am sure it is bleeding. Then he tells me he just isn't sure how he is going to make it to the recital and he can't just back out on his other commitment. I had to stop talking to him right then or I was going to explode. I told him we could discuss it later as I needed to get Jenna to bed and hung up.

He can back out on his daughter, but he can't back out on his friends?! How selfish can one man be? I don't even want him to be there. I want to punch him in the face. I want to scream at him until my face turns blue. I want to tell our daughter what a selfish jerk he is, but I wont...I will leave it alone. I will let his actions speak to his daughter about what kind of person he is. I won't bash him to her. I won't prejudice her against him. I know what it is like to hear from your mom how horrible your dad is. How much those words hurt because it makes you feel like you don't have her permission to love him anyway.

Of course you know the first thing I had to do this morning was to map both routes. The time difference? A whopping 5 minutes! Heavens to Murgatroyd...I think that vein in my forehead just popped...


  1. Oooh! I can so relate to that...and the part about feeling the need to have permission to love my own dad. I am so proud of you for changing that cycle and giving Jenna that permission. You can call me and scream if you need to. I get it!

  2. SAd that they just don't get that their kids may not always be there. Friends get the commitments, because they can walk away. A lot of men don't realize that kids can too.

    They just do it in a different way.

    My boys see who their father is. They often talk badly about him, and I find that I sometimes have to remind them that their dad is just really not making good decisions right now. It's hard always being the good guy, and clearly he just wanted you to be the bad guy and give him the "out" he needed.