After 41 years, you would think that I would have figured out how to have a successful conversation with my Mom. Evidenly not, as I am wrong yet again. One day I am the best daughter ever and the next I am hurtful, mean and inconsiderate. Which is it?
For years I have walked on eggshells. I have tried very hard to be politically correct, always doing what SHE wants me to do and never saying no to her. I have come to realize that this has caused a relationship that is not only dysfunctional, but harmful.
My entire life has been lived trying to ease her emotional suffering. When my parents divorced I was 6 years old, yet I was the one consoling her rather than her consoling me. I was the one picking up the slack and caring for the family while she went out for happy hour after work with her many friends and boyfriends.
I moved out after high school and was told that I abandoned her. Aren't your kids supposed to move out after high school? Isn't this what most parents strive for? Then I did the unthinkable, I got married to a man she didn't approve of. She tried to sabotage my marriage at every opportunity. She even went so far as to call him one day and gripe him out. Did I stick up for him against her? No way. I was too far gone into our codependant relationship to feel like I could go against her. "That's just my Mom, there's nothing that can be done about the way she acts". "Just do nothing and it will go away."
Instead, I should have been indignant. I should have read her the riot act and told her that she was out of place. I pray that one of these days I am strong enough to do just that. For today, I am going to try to remember that I am not responsible for my mother's happiness. I cannot make her happy. I cannot make her unhappy. These emotions are her choice and she can choose to go either way regardless of my actions.