Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Back to the real world...

Spent a wonderful four days on vacation with my daughter. I loved every minute of it. She loved it all as well, but evidently if you let your kid do stuff on vacation that you wouldn't normally do, it is the dirty laundry that is aired to everyone. Even a stranger on the plane.

My mommy let me swim in lightning.
My mommy walked away from me and I fell off a stool.
My mommy let me eat lots of junk and I got so hyper it gave me a headache.

Now, before you call CPS, the lightning was at least 20 miles away and we were sailing away from it. She told me time after time that she could get off those stools by herself, so I let her and she fell and as for the junk, we ate lots of good fruits, vegetables and other healthy things in addition to all the junk.

Today is a little bitter sweet. I spent lots of time back in reality. Washing clothes, grocery shopping, unpacking, paying bills and catching up on e-mails and reading everyone's wonderful blogs.

In case anyone was wondering, FH did not clean out the garage. He made a dent. He did do a bunch, but I still can't get my car in the garage. That man has more junk than anyone I have ever date. Hey FH, 1980 called and they want their sweaters back... I know there are lots of people that keep stuff because it was a gift or it has special memories, but at some point, you have to keep the memories in your heart and pass along the cross stitch coasters that grandma made. I know that you know what I am talking about.

Okay, my blog just posted itself unexpectedly. Is that you Grandma? Are you mad that I didn't keep the coasters?

Part of what I did today was bill management. I really thought with FH moving in that I would be more financially stable. He has given me money, but not the amount that we had agreed upon. I know the month isn't over yet, but I am wondering what our payment plan is. He got a checking account at the same bank that I am a member of and I told him I was confused. Why move your money to the same bank right before we get married? I figured we would go joint on checking after the big day. He doesn't want to do that. He said that he wants to keep his own checking in case he wants to buy me something. That doesn't sit well with me. It makes me think he is hiding something.

What doesn't he want me to know? How much me makes? How much he doesn't make? We have never officially discussed how much money either one of us makes. We did produce our expenses and discuss them, but never how much either one of us was bringing in. We will definitely be having this conversation before the big day. Not that I care if he makes more or less than I do. I just don't want any secrets between us. We can talk about anything and everything else, but when it comes to finances, he plays it pretty close to the vest.

Not okay.


  1. Finances are a HUGE part of a marriage, although I don't think I really need to say that.

    Almost Hubs and I started discussing this about a year ago. Since I can support the house on my own, and he can support his bills on his own, we decided not to get a joint account.

    However, in addition to his own bills he pays specific household bills each month (IE: the cel phone, car insurance, Electric, cable/internet) and I pay the mortgage, home insurance, heat, and my personal bills.

    We take turns buying food.

    Will this change? Maybe. But for now it works. He can buy things without me having to worry where the money is coming from, and I don't feel like I have to justify going for a facial on a whim.

    I think FH is most likely not hiding anything. Finances are a very sensitive issue for most. But it is really important to know where you are financially, so that if you were to buy a home later on, or even a car, there's no surprizes down the road.

  2. Definitely have the money talk before the big day. Sounds like you are on the right track though! And toss those sweaters!!!!!!!!

    And, and, and, The P.A.N. definitely has FH beat in the junk category...I'm sure you remember what my house looked like when he moved in. I'm never doing that again!

  3. You know, even if you didn't provide context around your "dirty laundry" of parenting, I would still shake your hand and hug you for having that be your worst parenting. WOW. Good work there.

    And I'm glad you had much fun!

  4. I'm so glad you had a good time! As for what you let her do...So what? You were on vacation and vacations mean having a blast.
    Money. Well here's my take. I felt the same way you do when I first married Phil. He wanted separate accounts yada yada. However after about two months he decided is was just easier to put me on his account and let me take care of the bills. The problem in his case was that his ex kept spending all the money and not paying the bills. It may be something simple but def should be discussed before the big day. Enjoy that talk. It's loads of fun.

  5. I'm hearing a warning bell going off. Definitely a must on the expenses you both share and the income you make. There should be no unanswered questions on that one. Fine if he wants to keep his own account but at least know what his salary is and that he hands over what is agreed upon first and foremost. Whatever's left, fine for him. I've learned that a woman has to be able to be financially independent

  6. Thanks for all of your comments. I think I will have to agree with Julianna that I want to be able to spend money on whatever I want. We did have a conversation this morning about the need for a specific time frame each month that he would be giving me money for his portion of the bills. It still seems weird but I am willing to bet he will change his mind and want to do at least a shared house account at some point. We'll see...