Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Does anyone still plan their future?

I have found myself in a new mode of thinking these days. I want to think about my future. I am a PLANNER after all. That is my usual modus opererandus, but it seems like I can't get past thinking about the to's - today and tomorrow.

On Monday, I am often asked by She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named what the plan is for the weekend. My first thought is what's it to you gosh, I don't know... For some reason being asked this question irrationally pisses me off. Maybe it would be different if it were Wednesday or Thursday but on Monday I am thinking how glad I am that I even survived the last weekend. The next weekend hasn't even started to percolate in my thought process yet.

When I looked at my calendar for this month, I see that there is at least one activity planned every weekend and some weekends have more. A birthday party, Father's Day, a sleepover with one of my daughter's friends. Oddly enough, there are never any plans on that schedule that are just for me. Hmmm...need to work on that!

If I try to go beyond this month, I see that the first part of next month is already starting to book up. Then in another month we will be going to visit the Rents in Minnesota and right after that school starts. Next thing you know, the kid is in college and it is a downhill spiral right into the nursing home...

I think that's why I have stopped trying to plan my future. Every time I think I know enough to start planning, something happens to change those plans and often without my permission. It is very depressing to look back 5, 10, 15 years ago and realize that my life is NOTHING like I had planned it to be.

Now, don't think I am just whining here. I love my daughter immensly and I am pretty sure our relationship would not be half as good as it is now if her dad and I were still married. I was a pretty hostile individual playing mommy to him and I am relatively sure that would have been some bad stuff... Her relationship with her dad is a million times better than it would have been as well, so while I definitely did not plan on having a baby and getting divorced before she was 1, it seems to be going okay thus far...

I have had people ask me where I see myself in 5 years, in 10 years and all I can tell them is that I have absolutely no idea. I have finally overcome the obsession to plan out the rest of my life. YEA ME!! Facing the unplanned is a new kind of adventure....


  1. I've given up on planning the future as well! Good for you!

  2. I am getting married in 10 weeks. Ten. I have given up on looking forward to it, why? Because I will have spent the whole summer wishing it away. This weekend... lobster with my Dad. Next week... time with Almost HUbs (he's on vacation) The following weekend? The balloon festival in New Hampshire. We plan week to week events in the summer as to not miss a thing.

    The wedding will be our final summer finale. And somehow, it will all come together.