Evidently, I am so wrapped up in my pending marriage that I have forgotten how to parent. How could I possibly have time to care about anyone but myself with everything going on?
Now, before you say how great I really am...read on:
"I really think you should do something special just with (my daughter) alone. And reassure her that you and her will from time to time have a girl’s get-away in future. She’s on such rocky ground, I think she feels like she’s losing you rather than gaining a step dad. Just wait till her first day of real school, poor little thing. She will really get a taste of kids being mean and being away from mama. I wish I could go all Madea on anyone who says anything mean to her, LOL!!
I received this note from my dear, sweet Mother this afternoon and I really wanted to pick up the phone and ask her just what the hell she meant. I didn't. I needed a few minutes to cool off. I also needed to decide if I was just being hormonal or if she is really accusing me of not taking care of my daughter.
I have spent hours talking with my daughter about the upcoming changes. She is gaining a step-dad as well as an older sister. Both of these people have been a solid fixture in our lives for over a year now. How is this new? It is true that they did not live with us before, but that is just a matter of semantics at this point. We have spent a lot of time with them.
I try to hold my tongue because I know my Mother is only saying these things out of her love and concern for her granddaughter, but evidently when you bear offspring, that love and concern that your parents once had for you has been superseded by that darling bundle of joy. You become the enemy and their sweet grandchild deserves any and every thing their little hearts desire whether it is good for them or not.
Sorry, still a little bitter I guess.
I did pen a carefully worded note back to my dear Mother saying basically that she needed to back off before I went all Mother Bear on her. Madea ain't got nothing on me and don't make me take my earrings off...
Head is spinning for you on this one.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to guess, this has nothing to do with your sweet, well-adjusted daughter...this has to do with Nonna losing her club of 3...and it's not your responsibility to save Nonna from herself. Sure, you won't need to rely on her like you've had to in the past (as a single parent)...and that's scary for her b/c she needs to be needed (and she needs you to take care of her).
You are doing everything perfectly...this is her issue, not yours.
Grin and bear it, Momma Bear!
I thought more about it and agree with you 100% Steph. She mentioned once before to me that this was like me dumping her for someone else. That sent up a red flag to me of how I have let her manipulate our relationship into something other than a Mother and a Daughter. I am her life line. She has put all of her eggs in my basket and is now telling me how to carry it. UGH!
ReplyDeleteUGH.
ReplyDeleteSome people just don't get it.
I have also had many conversations, worried more than my share, and gone out of my way to make sure the boys know they haven't been shoved aside.
They tell me to get over it, just get married already, and to knock it off.
:)
Wow...I know how hard those kinds of conversations are. How can something done out of love end up so far off the mark?
ReplyDeleteI've had way too much therapy!
ReplyDelete