Friday, July 22, 2011

Juggling children...

When you are involved in a family that has been split, inevitably you end up juggling any children that were a result of that family. By juggling, I don't mean really tossing them up into the air (even as fun as that sounds), but I do mean deciding when they go to which family member on which holiday/weekend/events. The typical custody agreement used to be 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends plus Wednesday's, but I know very few people that now have that sort of agreement.

My agreement with the ex is along those lines; however, he has worked weekends as long as we have been divorced. With a child that was preschool age, it really wasn't all that hard to let him have her during the week. Now that school is ready to start and the ex has a new job - yes, finally a real job, things are all going to change.

He will have one day off during the week and every Sunday. This means he wants our daughter every weekend from Saturday night through Monday morning when he will drop her off at school. This really only gives him one full day a week with her, but it is really more time than he has now. During the week everyone has regular work so he only gets two nights with her. Once you get her picked up, fed and bathed, there is really only about an hour at most to actually get to spend with her.

I am THRILLED to have him finally taking her on weekends; however, my mother works Tuesday through Saturday and only gets to see her granddaughter on Saturday evenings/Sundays. As she is here locally, she has been used to getting to see us on a weekly basis. We have agreed that I will still have our daughter one weekend a month so that means Nonna will go from weekly visits to monthly visits.

Now comes the juggling. Nonna won't be happy with this arrangement. I can honestly say that I don't blame her. She plays a big part in our lives so going from weekly to monthly will be hard for everyone to deal with. On the other hand, I am hugely relieved that this opportunity will give me more time to have my own life. Having to plan around Nonna visiting EVERY Saturday has been difficult.

There have been many times feelings have been hurt because other things come up and we have to skip our Saturday. This can't be helped. There are too many lives involved and once my daughter gets involved in more activities, that will limit things as well.

I think my biggest obstacle to overcome in all of this is that I try so hard to spare everyone's feelings. I him and haw about how to tell everyone the changes and end up botching the delivery. I need to learn how to just say it like it is while not being mean or rude. Hmmm...looks like I have some work to do!!


  1. This really is good for J-Bean....she gets her father more (more quality time). It far outweighs anyone else's feelings...really.

  2. I have to agree with Steph. If he isn't hurting of neglecting her then she needs to get to know her daddy. I unfortunately had to just send my middle child to live with his dad for a year because the boy hasn't seen him in 4 and truly misses the asshole for some reason. (Mostly because I left the kids out of the drama as much as possible.) So now here I sit and mourn like a grieving woman my little boy. So if he's in town or near don't keep her from him.