You know in a bad relationship with a person, you give them one, maybe two chances and then if you’re smart you toss them out the door like yesterday’s trash? Why don’t we do that with our family members?
We let them crap on us for years. We give them a million chances. We say, but that’s your dad, cousin, uncle, sister…etc. What makes it okay for them to treat us badly when they will be the first to tell us that we should not allow others to treat us badly?
My aunt died on Saturday. She wasn’t my biological aunt, but she and my biological aunt have been room mates for 40+ years. She has been at every family celebration, she has been a huge part of my life for many years and she was beloved by me. Nobody told me.
My aunt didn’t call me.
My dad didn’t call me.
Nobody called me to tell me she had passed.
My dad called my brother, my step-mom called my step-sister. Nobody called me to tell me anything. I had to find out fourth hand, yes fourth hand from my mother. The only reason she even knew was because she called my brother to wish him a Happy Easter.
So, I broke up with my family. I broke up with my dad, my step-mom and my aunt. I broke up with my brother years ago, so nothing new there. And, I broke up with my step-sister too. My other aunt and uncle never call or write anyways, so breaking up with them will go unnoticed I’m sure.
Everyone makes such a big deal about how important family is and how you should do anything and everything to keep you family together, but at what cost? When do you stop allowing them to beat you down, ignore you, treat you poorly?
I have had this discussion with my family on several occasions. Someone is sick, has surgery, gets a house, nobody tells me. I find out when my letter comes back undeliverable. What kind of way is that to treat someone?
For years I had hoped that if I kept trying, they would try too. Nope…
SO…I broke up with all of them except my mother…don’t tell her though, she would be the first to gloat and say “I told you so…”
I'm sorry, sweets! That's no fun to have to do. I totally understand why you'd want to though. It's sad they're not as thoughtful as we all know you are.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry about your aunt. :(
Thanks Steph! I did hear back from my dad and step-mom. They both promptly blamed all issues on my aunt. Gotta love that. Not the dead one, the one she lived with. UGH!
DeleteUGH. I love my extended family as well, but so often these days I want to just look at them and say WTF?
ReplyDeleteWith the death of my grandparents there's been a sever in the family ties, so thankfully the family parties have gotten cut down considerably. :)
Partying with family is definitely overrated!!
DeleteOh girl I'm so sorry. I think you are in pain right now. I know the feeling though. It's the same thing here. I find out through the grape vine of waaay after someone has died or been sick. I blew up at them and told them I'd had it and they are doing a little better.
ReplyDeleteI think we put up with this treatment because down deep they are a part of us. Their blood and our intermingle. It's hard to cut a part of who we are out. It's also hard to think that, having the same blood they can't or won't change. Does that mean we can't? I don't know this is tough. No worries my lips are sealed. Your mom won't find out from me. :) Love ya
My Step-sister contacted me over the weekend and said that she had lunch with them and how they lamented over how cruel I was and how my Dad's feelings were so hurt. It was all about how badly I treated them instead of realizing they had anything to do with it. I realize they are both sick. They are both horrible alcoholics and as such can't see outside of themselves, but I still feel so liberated to not be a part of that anymore.
ReplyDeleteOMG, the same thing just happened to me (that's how I found this, google) My aunt (my dad's little sister) passed away last friday, from cancer at age 47. And I just found out today! I didn't get to go the funeral or anything. AND still not one family member has tried to contact me to let me know of her passing, a friend read the obituary then facebooked me saying "sorry for your loss" I was all like "wth?" then she said, "oh I read in the paper that you aunt passed away last week"... I am so hurt, I didn't get to say good bye, and I bet they were all gossiping about how I didn't even go to the funeral...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your family did that to you. That is pretty crappy. I never understood why people are so tight lipped about tragedy with their own family, yet will tell a stranger on the street all about their misery. UGH!
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