Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Parents are not equal, at all...

I have decided that God did not make all parents equal. There are some that are better cooks, some that are better at projects and some are superb story tellers.  There are also those parents that are good at absolutely everything and I while I aspire to someday be one of those parents, I have a very long way to go.

Even within the same family, you can have one parent that seems to be able to wade through thigh-high pooh and not get dirty while the other parent is a hot mess all over the place.  While I am not so special that pooh doesn’t stick to me, somehow I have managed to be the apple of my daughter’s eye. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT complaining, but I do feel a tad guilty.  Why?  No idea.  I have put in the hours and effort to be a good parent, but I still feel guilty about how my daughter will eagerly spend 30 minutes with me on the phone when she is with her dad, but when she is with me I can hardly get her to talk to him for 2 minutes.  I know it hurts his feelings and I try to no avail to explain to my daughter that her daddy misses her every day and this is the only time he gets to communicate with her during the week.  Before hanging up the phone I always get an “I love you Mommy” while daddy always says it first and doesn’t always get a response.

I am the one that does the majority of the discipline. I definitely do more yelling.  Why does she like me better?  She does live with me full time so she definitely is more familiar with me, but what is it about me that makes me cooler to her (besides obvious things like my superior intelligence) than her dad?  He is definitely a better cook and has infinitely more patience when it comes to crafting, but yet I am the winner of the chicken dinner (aka my daughter’s unconditional love). 

Now I have to decide how much I should worry about this.  I know she loves her dad, but where is their disconnect?  Is there something I can do to help them have a better relationship?  Is it just his nature that puts her off or is it something more?  He is very self-absorbed, which is a major contributing factor to the demise of our marriage.  His daughter is the only thing he loves more than himself.  Can she sense that?  Does that turn her off of him on a subconscious level? 

I have tried asking her why she doesn’t like to talk to her dad and why sometimes she doesn’t want to go see him.  Even when it has been over a week and they have plans to do something great, there are times she doesn’t want to go.  She always says the same thing – “I want to be with you Mommy”.   Of course then I get the third degree about why I can’t go to her dad’s with her and stay until it is time for her to come home.  How do you explain THAT to a 5 year old?  Gee Honey, you see my current husband doesn’t really want me spending the night at my former husband’s house…Sheesh!

Try as I may, I just can’t figure this one out, so I will just have to set it down and walk away.  I am sure eventually the truth will come out and then I will again be a brilliant deducer of reason…!


  1. Maybe you're just a better talker? I can talk to my dad for 20 minutes, and cover everything going on in our lives, sports, the world, etc. I can talk to my mother for an hour and literally say nothing of substance.

  2. I can tell you from my experience with my granddaughters, they get really bored when they'd go to my sons house because he'd get wrapped up in his Xbox or computer while they were there. Maybe your ex doesn't make her feel welcomed there and doesn't even realize it. Just a thought but I'd be a bit concerned. Hugs!

  3. My oldest daughter is like this, while my middle daughter just wants her daddy and not me. It's so hard to understand either relationship. Maybe certain similarities make each girls feel like they have more to talk about with us for different reasons.

  4. It is just like you to worry for her. Proud of the way you handle this.