Each day I wake up, I am responsible for several things in my life. I am responsible for myself, my daughter and the dog. Beyond that, I am technically not responsible for anyone else beyond that. My husband does a pretty great job of taking care of himself and the things he is required to do. When he is not working 80 hours a week, he also does a pretty great job of helping me with the shared household duties.
Why is it that at least two other people on this planet think that I am responsible for them? One is my mother (I would be willing to bet you could have guessed that) and the other is my ex husband (bet you could have guessed that one too).
My mother will soon be facing retirement and as her health continues to deteriorate, it is becoming obvious that soon she will be added to my list of people that I am responsible for. As she can no longer climb the stairs at my home to reach her room, we are faced with trying to sell our home and buy another that is more accommodating. That being said, she has been less than gracious about her expectations.
I have managed to find a 4 bedroom home that will provide a room for her, both kids and even a room for the hubby and I – because we plan to live there too. She has lamented on and on about the loss of her current space, her things and her privacy. While I am trying to be caring and compassionate towards her, at this point I want to tell her to shut the hell up and stay where she is if she doesn’t like it. I am turning not only my life, but the lives of my family upside down to try to care for her and she doesn’t seem to appreciate that.
Then I have the ex who calls me four times a day asking me questions, asking me to do things for him or just to bug me. I would stop answering his calls, but then he would just show up. UGH! I am not responsible for him either. I try to be helpful and friendly as we do have to share a kid, but I want to tell him to jump in the lake too. Give him an inch and he will ask for a mile. Sheesh!
Okay, done ranting! Now, if I could just get the market to pick back up so I can sell my existing house for at least as much as I paid for it, I would be a happy camper.
That's so hard about your mother. I saw my mother-in-law go through this with her mother. I think in the end she was glad she'd been able to take her. She has 11 siblings and was the only one who wanted to take their mom in the end. I think the others regreted it, but my mother-in-law seemed happy overall that she never had to deal with the regret.
ReplyDeleteAnd about your ex . . . It sounds like he still isn't over you. That would be tough.
Ranting is ok. I'm in a similar boat with a aging mom and kids. A boat that can seem to be sinking.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, you are still only responsible for yourself, and I would argue that within reason, your daughter is capable of being responsible for many things of her own as well. If your mother is that bad, let her go it on her own for a while, or find an assisted living situation.
ReplyDeleteNothing ruins a marriage faster than in laws. Just sayin'
I'm sorry girl! That sucks. Your mom should be happy you are not putting her in a home. However I will say my grandma moved herself into one of those adult living area's. She has her apartment and freedom but if she needs help or medical they are right there to help. They charge her based on how much money she makes, which is next to nothing. Might look into that.
ReplyDeleteThe worst part is my mom is only 63. We have had a codependent relationship for years. I have slowly stopped my participation in the madness, but it wasn't easy. Now I am telling her that this is what I have to offer, take it or leave it. She will take it, of course, but that won't keep her from complaining about it. LOL! You can lead a horse to water, but you can't stop him from whinning...
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I'm glad my mom is not at that stage yet. On a funny note, The P.A.N.'s mom fully expects me to take care of her in her old age...I actually find that cute...for now.
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