The Dentist...

I was talking with a coworker about taking my daughter to the dentist and noticed my palms started to get sweaty, I started talking faster than normal and my heart rate increased.  I realized it was my fear of the dentist that was affecting me.  Just to talk about it brings back memories of going to our family dentist when I was a kid.  He was brutal.  I think he got great pleasure from hurting children.  I know that I couldn't eat for 2-3 days without it hurting after a visit to him.  I still remember his name...Dr. Cook.  I used to imagine that he would cook the children that didn't open their mouths wide enough so that's why his last name was Cook.  Silly, I know, and I am sure it added to my distress wondering if I was next on the menu.  

I developed such an aversion to going to the dentist that at one time I went almost 5 years between visits. There is something about laying there with your mouth open that leaves you feeling very vulnerable.  They have you held hostage.  As you try to prevent drowning from all of the saliva that collects in the back of your throat, you silently scream that it is time for Mr. Thirsty to make his debut.  Please get suction me quickly before I die over here.

Then there is the question asking they do while their hands are shoved into your mouth.  Really?  Why do they feel the need for small talk while you are laying in the chair unable to answer?  I think I will do flash cards for next time....

Yes, I had a nice summer
No, I can't believe it is time for back to school already
Yes, we were very busy
No, we didn't go anywhere special

AAAAGGGGHHH!!

I realize that my claustrophobia may be the real reason why I get so stressed out about going to the dentist.  That fear of not being able to get away.  You can't suddenly jump up and head out the door when they have your mouth pried open with their tools shoved down your throat...  Sorry, there I go again.  I think I need to subscribe to sedation dentistry.  It would be so much easier. 

My daughter asked me what the big deal is.  I think she smells my fear as I walk her into the office.  I smile nicely and am as polite as possible to everyone because I don't want them to remember me and take it out on me the next time I come in.  I am invisible...  She is such a trooper about going to the dentist.  It doesn't bother her in the least and she can't wait to pick something out of the treasure chest when we leave.  That 10 cent toy is the key to erasing any bad memories from the chair it seems...

Long time no see...

In the infamous words of Jack Nicholson from The Shining, I'm back...

I took a break from blogging because honestly, I didn't have the time nor sanity to keep up with it.  I was traveling all of the time for work and when the work day was done, I was either bringing more work back to the hotel or lapsing into a coma due to brain overload.  It did not leave much room in my head for any original thoughts.

I have since left the job of my dreams for another job.  One that is less exciting, way more boring, but puts me at home every night for the family of my dreams.  My daughter finally loves me again and my husband is excited to see me because he thought he dreamt up the whole getting married thing.  Nice surprise for him!

I also gave up the life of glamour and fame to be here for my mother's failing health.  I have written several posts about Nonna Nonsense in the past if you need a refresher about how "special" my mom is.  Or I should say was...

Sadly, we lost Nonna on the 21st of July.  No, I didn't leave her at the mall, she passed away quietly and peacefully at the hospital due to her advanced emphysema.  She retired the end of May after just reaching her 65th birthday, spent the month of June packing up 65 years of collections and moved in with us the end of June.  She made it one week with us before we had to take her to the emergency room with pneumonia.  A week later she was in ICU, a few days later she was on life support and exactly two weeks later she slipped quietly to the other side.

My heart was broken for her lost dreams of seeing her grand daughter every day and all of the other things she would have time to do now.  Then my heart was healed in her passing as her essence passed through me with great joy announcing there is more.  Now I am not one of those people to thump a bible or speak in tongues, but I honestly felt my mother pass through me on her way out.  It was about 3 minutes before her body gave up, but suddenly my tears turned into a smile, laughter, giddiness about the next adventure.  Maybe I was just crazy with grief, but somehow I don't think so.

Now that the memorial service has passed, family has come and gone and the flowers are just about finished I am ready to take my life back into the world and do something great with it.  I don't want to wait until I retire to travel.  I don't want to wait until Summer for a vacation, I don't want to put anything on hold until it is a better time.  There is no time like right now...