Pre-Vacation Brain Overload

Right before going anywhere on vacation, my brain always starts going into overdrive. Did I remember to pack everything, have I held the mail, paid the bills, notified the FBI that we will be away so they can watch my house, reserved the SWAT team as backup in case the FBI is busy?

I started packing Friday night and we don't leave until Wednesday. I have packed, unpacked, repacked, added some more stuff on top of the suitcase and have decided to make a pile next to the suitcase for all other things that need to be packed. I even woke up in the middle of the night last night to mentally review everything I have already packed. I also have a list going of all of the things that still need to be done and all I can do is think about packing.

I might as well have taken today and tomorrow off from work as I will be thinking of nothing but my blissful vacation until then. It even includes a grown up weekend without the kids, right in the middle of it. We are going to stay with the BF's brother and sister-in-law plus their three children. There will be 9 of us staying under one roof for an entire week. I know, that hardly sounds like a vacation, but the kids go into pack mode and leave us alone most of the time.

Then, the kids will stay with Uncle Nino and Aunt Marcie while BF and I go to his 30 year high school reunion. Hilton Hotel, here I come. I wonder if Paris will be there to see how cute I will look in my new dress?

I have also researched all of the available spas located near the hotel and will be booking a morning or afternoon (4 hours) of bliss on Saturday. I am so excited about that part alone I am practically giddy! Okay, I will admit it, I am especially giddy! Rubbing, waxing, facial, painting and hair. Heck, people will think that I am Paris Hilton when I get back to the hotel...

Daddy-Dipity-Doo

There seems to be a trend that when I travel for business, my Ex seems to think that the sky has actually fallen. The world is indeed ending and nobody can put it right until I return home. As flattering as some might think that would be, I find it extremely annoying.

I got a frantic message as soon as my plane landed in Houston that our daughter was sick and I needed to to call him right away. So, I call:

Dad: Well, she only has a 99 degree temp but she says her throat is sore.
Me: Did you look at her throat?
Dad: No
Me: Tell her to say Ahhhh and see if it is red
Dad: I can't see any red
Me: Um, okay, I am in Houston so there's really not much I can do from here
Dad: Should I take her to the emergency room?
Me: Is she on fire, bleeding profusely or projectile vomiting?
Dad: No, very funny...I guess you don't think this is an emergency then?
Me: Nope, but if it makes you feel better, call the doctor and make an appointment. I would be willing to bet she is fine. If you are really that worried go ahead and take her in.

After the doctor visit, he realizes that he may have been bamboozled into keeping the daughter home from summer school. She is completely fine and is bouncing off the walls. Yep, she worked you Dad...

When I got back from Houston later that day, I went to pick up the daughter from Daddy and find that she is extremely okay (bouncing) when I get there. Daddy immediately starts explaining why his apartment is so messy and blames it on our daughter saying she leaves her toys everywhere and how hard it is to keep up with it all. I just about choked on my tongue trying to keep from saying anything mean.

First, most of the mess is his. I lived with him for almost 10 years and he is 100% a complete slob. Second, if you want the child to put away her stuff, ask her to do it and follow it up with some consequences if she doesn't. Daddy looks at me like I am speaking in an alien language that he does not understand. What? You want me to actually parent my child? I thought I was just here for the play time?

He actually had the gall to say to me that this was his first time being a parent and how should he know all of this stuff. I stood there with my mouth open. I think a moth flew in because it was open for so long. I counted in my head the number of children I have, umm...one. Then I confirm that the ONLY child I have is also the same child we are talking about before I calmly tell him that I am pretty sure this is my first time being a parent too. DOH!!

Contrary to popular opinion, just because your child does not live with you full time does not mean you are excused from parenting your child. You don't get to play push over while the other parent establishes and polices all of the rules. It is an age old syndrome where the non-custodial parent thinks they have to make up for only being with their children part time. No chores, no responsibility, no accountability, no rules. In the end, they are left also with no respect from their children.

At least my daughter has figured out that when she says "Daddy doesn't make me do that", she gets in trouble. I have tried my best to explain to her that while Daddy and I try to have the same rules, some things will always be different. (I want to tell her that no matter where she is, Mommy's rules are the right ones because Daddy is an idiot, but I have managed to keep that thinking to myself thus far.)

I have seen this syndrome in many families where one parent ends up being the bad guy all of the time and the other skates by with being the hero. Just remember, in the end when your child is on TV after a big win or walking across the stage graduating with honors, that child will turn to everyone and say "thanks Mom"!

B.F. is absolutely C-L-U-E-LESS!!

Can I get a C? Can I get an L? Wait, where did my C go? Dang it!! Start over...

My B.F. has his daughter for two weeks this month as a test of if he can parent trial to ease into the possibility of having her full time. I really thought he would excel at the role of full time father. He is the type of person that tackles issues head on and knocks them out of the ball park. I am realizing that on the personal issues, he sucks he doesn't do quite as well.

The daughter's mother (I can't say ex-wife as they were never married because she is B*t Sh!t crazy - see my other post on that for the scoop), is an alcoholic. She is on the downward spiral, so you would imagine that just about anything would be better than where she is at now. I am not yet convinced that Daddy Day Care has been much better.

She is enrolled in horse camp for both weeks so she has somewhere to go during the day. Bonus activity for Dad as Mom would have left her at home, unsupervised. Horse camp is an awesome adventure where she gets to learn to ride, groom and care for a horse and many of the other animals located in the petting zoo of the facility. To me it sounds like free labor under the guise of instruction, but hey, what do I know? As a 10 year old girl, I would have absolutely done anything to go to horse camp.

Anyway...the trouble is in her daily routines away from camp. She is outside sweating all day. First order of business at the end of the day should be bathing, followed by clean clothes and a relatively nutritious meal. Instead, she goes to work with Dad for the last hour of his day, sits on a showroom sofa eating junk and watching movies on TV. That is followed by a run through the nearest hamburger joint followed by more watching of the TV and passing out into the bed, still unwashed from the day's activities.

I have tried as delicately as I can to explain to him that personal hygiene starts at a young age. Mom gets her in the shower an average of once per week, which is unacceptable in my book. Dad swore up and down that it would be different at his house. Well, it is different, I don't think we have hit once per week yet. UGH! The daughter has really thick and beautiful hair, if she takes care of it. If not, it is curly and she ends up looking like Bozo the Clown sans the red. Sufficient to say, Bozo is in town and she's staying...

Meal options are also a HUGE issue. I gave him a long list of relatively healthy snack options that I send with my daughter to school that she also happens to enjoy. His daughter is very selective in what she eats and if it is healthy, she will pass. So, instead he got a variety pack of chips, sodas, cookies and a long list of other JUNK that she doesn't need to eat. She already has issues with her weight, so IMHO it is his job to provide her with healthy options and then follow up to ensure that she chooses wisely. If he doesn't help her to learn this process now, she will definitely be an obese girl very soon.

I really had high hopes for how he was going to handle his time with his daughter. He had asked for my advice beforehand and was even crazy enough to ask my opinion on how he was doing. I had to tell him that I was disappointed in how it was turning out so far. That lead to a long discussion on how our lives are all about CHOICES and our jobs as parents are to teach our children how to make the right choices for their lives. Someday we are going to have to let go and we can only hope we made a big enough impact along the way.

I really must be a Pollyanna because after our conversation, I just KNEW he would steer her in the right direction. Make her shower, give her healthier choices, be an actual parent that says no, but was I wrong. It turns out that my home actually does have a buffet line and it includes one very large, very fatty piece of steak that was consumed in its entirety by one 10 year old girl. I had a nice k-bob with some veggies grilled all together, he had Italian sausage grilled to an ugly char and she had fatty steak topped off with Olive Oil just in case it tried to crawl back out on the way down. I stared at him in disbelief as he put the entire steak on her plate. This was at least a 16 oz. steak. Add a baked potato with real bacon pieces and a vat of butter on top and I almost couldn't eat. My arteries hurt just watching her consume her supper. She ate every bite and was STILL HUNGRY.

Now, I understand that he wants to be the good guy, but in this situation, as a parent, we don't always get to be the good guy. If he really wants to do right by his daughter, he is going to have to help her make better choices. Heck if I don't hear "I hate you" from my kid periodically I figure I am not doing a good enough job of leading her in the right direction.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a perfect parent. There are times I do stuff that makes me shake my head wondering how in the world I thought that was the right thing to do. We all make mistakes. We all let stuff slide. In the end, the right things have to outweigh the marginal things and the marginal things have to outweigh the bad things. It is our CHOICE to parent our children in a manner that will help them make the right choices without us.

Dang it, now I sound like an after school special. I think I hear The Family Channel calling...

Super Hero...

My delusional idea that I am a super hero kicked in again yesterday. You see, my yard guy quit and I have been unsuccessful in replacing him. We are nearing week three of no mowing and I just couldn't stand it any longer. I decided that I should mow the yard myself.

Note: The B.F. has offered on more than one occasion to mow for me, but for some reason I just don't want him to do it. (Maybe I really AM crazy...) I may have to post another BLOG once I figure out why I don't want him to mow my yard. It is just a yard after all. He can't do a worse job than my previous derelict service.

I worked straight through all day. Came in early, ate my lunch at my desk then stayed late. As I was leaving work, I noticed the rain clouds on the horizon, so I rushed over to summer school to pick up my daughter. You would have thought I was an hour late. I showed up 15 minutes before the deadline and they practically threw her out the door at me. I managed to slow the car down enough so she could jump in as I sped off. Well, that's what it felt like anyways. Evidently if it is after 5:30 and they are down to less than 10 kids, two teachers group the kids in the hallway and then hopefully match them up with the right parents as they are shoving them out the door. (Wonder if I could get a different kid that whines less? Hmmm...probably not!)

I then raced off to Chick-Fil-A for a nutritional drive through meal selection of chicken nuggets for the daughter and a chicken sandwich for me. Extra pickles please -evidently means don't you D.A.R.E. put a single pickle on my sandwich - oh and please make my day by putting the "special" sticker on my sandwich. I might have confused it with the nuggets otherwise.

We made it home before the rain and quickly inhaled our food. I then donned my super hero cape and prepared the lawn mower for its first use of the year. I filled the gas tank, topped off the oil - yes, I even added oil, then feeling pretty cocky, I attempted to start the mower. Pull...pull...pull...again and again until I was just about ready to give up then Vrooom! the mower started.

I drove the mower up and down the yard. For some reason I am not capable of mowing in a square, from side to side or up and down, but rather I use a combination of things so that my grass is never mowed the same way twice. Why do I do this you ask? No idea. I am just mowing along when a particular section grabs my attention and off I go.

Ten minutes into the ordeal and the neighbors dog runs up to me and starts humping my leg WHILE I am mowing the lawn. Oh what fun! I shut the mower off, directed Romeo back to his house - halfway down the street, then return to my yard to mow for ten more minutes.

This time I was interrupted by my daughter - at least she didn't hump my leg! MOM...MOM...MOMMY...MOMMY STOP MOWING I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION she yells over the mower sound. I stop the mower, ask her what she needs and the question is "Mommy, have the caterpillars all turned into butterflies already?" UGH! Baby, I love you, but don't you think that question could have waited until I was done? "Um...No...so, where are all of the caterpillars?"

At this point the skies are getting pretty dark and a drop or two of rain have fallen. Instead of putting away the mower and calling it quits, I rev the engine back up and start to trot back and forth across the yard. I have less than half left to mow, but somehow it is - All.Up.Hill. Finally, 30 minutes into the adventure and the mowing is done.

Do I stop there? NO! Absolutely NOT! I adjusted my cape, got out the weed whacker and begin edging all of the walks and drive on my CORNER lot. I love that long sidewalk that goes on forever down the side of my house...

Still, no official rain yet but I am so sweaty that it might as well have been pouring rain on me. At least once every 2-3 minutes I have to stop edging to answer a question, put on a bicycle helmet, fill the tires of the bicycle with air, drag the bicycle down the driveway, drag the bicycle back up the driveway, get out the scooter, adjust the helmet, remove the helmet, put away the scooter, get out the sidewalk chalk, tell my daughter which letters are used in the words she is writing IN the garage so the rain won't wash it away AND praying that she is not accidentally writing bad words on the driveway for all to see...

And she wants to know what is taking me so long.

An hour into this project and my edger runs out of battery. I could have gotten out the spare battery that was already on the charger but I gave up. I took off the cape, hung my head in defeat and drug my daughter into the house. Then begins her barrage of additional questions. "Why do we have to go inside, it isn't raining yet. Can we get an umbrella and take a walk in the rain? Can we go swimming? Can we watch a movie?"

I go inside and it is already 8:00. That gives me 30 minutes to clean the child, clean myself, get jammies on, get clothes picked out for tomorrow, cut up meat for tomorrow's lunch, set up the coffee for tomorrow, read the child a story, brush everyone's teeth, call her Daddy and somehow get a call into the B.F. With the help of "The Cape" I made it in 45 minutes. Not too bad.

You might ask why I didn't put my daughter to bed first then do the rest of the things I needed to do. My answer would be at the first flash of lighting, she was attached to my leg in a super ninja death grip. The only way to remove her is either a crow bar or to lay down with her and not get up. So off to bed and asleep by 9:15 we were.

The weather alarm radio went off at 10:30, 11:45, 12:20, 1:00, 2:06 and 3:18. Each time to tell me of a county that was added or removed from the severe weather warning area. I don't have a siren in my neighborhood so I have to rely on the weather radio to wake me up in the event of a tornado, but for anything else, I don't care. I don't give a rat's patootie that it is windy or raining or lots of lightning. If it isn't going to knock down my house, DON'T wake me up!!

This morning I put the cape back on and got up at 5:20 so I could take my car in for a warranty repair. Yep, super heroes of the world are watching in awe and disbelief at my red eyes with the coordinating black bags located directly underneath. Next!!

Blue toenail polish...

I have noticed more and more that women young and old are trending away from the traditional colors for their pedicures. I have commented time and time again how cute that purple or blue polish is on other people but continued to stick with the traditional red or pink polish. Even so much as to go with the exact same colors of red or pink each time. The decision was this red or that pink, done...BORING!

Not this weekend! I picked a beautiful, sparkly turquoise polish and can't help but feel a little chic about it. I made one step toward getting myself out of the "safe" rut that I have been in for so long now.

Somehow, I decided that between becoming a mom and turning 40 it meant I had to dress differently, act differently, be more reserved and grown up. I miss the old me that was fun, adventurous, daring and bold. I have replaced myself with that nameless being, 'Jenna's Mom'. Worse yet, these days I have been acting more matronly that my own mother who happens to be a Grandma.

I think that I wanted so badly to be a mom that since becoming one I have thrown myself into my traditional image of what a good mom should be like (classic, mature, reserved, etc...think June Cleaver here) that I have almost forgotten how to have fun. What happened to 'let's stay up late and watch old movies and hit each other with pillows' like my mom did when I was little? I will admit that she started her motherhood experience at least 17 years earlier than I started mine, but she knew always knew how to have fun.

I get so stuck in a rut that I rush through each day thinking only about what 'has' to be done today and forget that those things could easily be done tomorrow or the next day as well. I can still be 'Jenna's Mom' and be more spontaneous and adventurous! Hello blue toenails, goodbye rut!

Brain Damage...

Let me start by saying that I love my job. I love the company I work for and I especially enjoy working for my current boss.

But...DAMN!!! I am working on a new project that should win me a Karp Prize for logic when I am done. By 2:00 p.m. I have to stick corks in my ears to keep my melted brain from oozing out. Even then, I have noticed by the end of the day my head feels lighter and my hats are becoming too big.

I work for a home building company and we are redesigning our purchasing system. People with much larger heads than mine designed the original system, but it doesn't do even half of what we really want it to do. Nobody else makes a system that is even close so we are altering our own.

Now I get to tell the programmers the new magic that I want the system to do and oh yeah, I also have to work out the logic for them so they know how to program it. I have been working on this project for over a year now. First we had to conceptualize what we wanted to do, then we had to meet with everyone so they could bless it, then we had to meet with a subgroup to ferret out the details and now that we are in programming I feel almost like we are back on square one with everyone peeing on it.

I really love the concept part and don't mind presenting to groups over and over but when it comes to the end where you have to answer a gazillion questions about every little thing, I start to get stressed out. It is especially difficult that we are all in different offices so I can't even draw them a map of where I want them to go. It is all verbal.

Then add the pilot city that is already trying to use the programs we have pushed out and one of the people keeps asking for things that are incredibly mundane and not important to the functionality of anything - at all... It would be okay if it were just one or two things, but every five minutes gets old pretty fast. "Can you make this report automatically fill in X and Y so I don't have to type it every time". The answer is Yes, I can, but more importantly Will I? Hmmm...right after I thump you on your noggin. (I am sensing a bit of frustration here...)

On top of it, our main programmer will be on vacation for a week so we are furiously trying to cram everything we need into this week. I feel sorry for her...well, just a little bit, not really!

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I am actually smiling! Thanks Blogger!!!

Does anyone still plan their future?

I have found myself in a new mode of thinking these days. I want to think about my future. I am a PLANNER after all. That is my usual modus opererandus, but it seems like I can't get past thinking about the to's - today and tomorrow.

On Monday, I am often asked by She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named what the plan is for the weekend. My first thought is what's it to you gosh, I don't know... For some reason being asked this question irrationally pisses me off. Maybe it would be different if it were Wednesday or Thursday but on Monday I am thinking how glad I am that I even survived the last weekend. The next weekend hasn't even started to percolate in my thought process yet.

When I looked at my calendar for this month, I see that there is at least one activity planned every weekend and some weekends have more. A birthday party, Father's Day, a sleepover with one of my daughter's friends. Oddly enough, there are never any plans on that schedule that are just for me. Hmmm...need to work on that!

If I try to go beyond this month, I see that the first part of next month is already starting to book up. Then in another month we will be going to visit the Rents in Minnesota and right after that school starts. Next thing you know, the kid is in college and it is a downhill spiral right into the nursing home...

I think that's why I have stopped trying to plan my future. Every time I think I know enough to start planning, something happens to change those plans and often without my permission. It is very depressing to look back 5, 10, 15 years ago and realize that my life is NOTHING like I had planned it to be.

Now, don't think I am just whining here. I love my daughter immensly and I am pretty sure our relationship would not be half as good as it is now if her dad and I were still married. I was a pretty hostile individual playing mommy to him and I am relatively sure that would have been some bad stuff... Her relationship with her dad is a million times better than it would have been as well, so while I definitely did not plan on having a baby and getting divorced before she was 1, it seems to be going okay thus far...

I have had people ask me where I see myself in 5 years, in 10 years and all I can tell them is that I have absolutely no idea. I have finally overcome the obsession to plan out the rest of my life. YEA ME!! Facing the unplanned is a new kind of adventure....